I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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