Where did you get a picture of my penis
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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