she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
