I wanna passion pit in your ass
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
