I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
