We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
