he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
