just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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