I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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