She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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