apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
