My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
