if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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