we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
