why didn't you poke me back
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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