party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
