dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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