boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I have tasted many bathrooms
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
