you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize