kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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