I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
