i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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