Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
