Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
