she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
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