He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
