the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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