I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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