I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
