things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
