I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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