JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
