what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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