Do you still have your period?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
