On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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