i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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