i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize