Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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