I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
