i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
