You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just invented taco cereal.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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