New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
