I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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