so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
