smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
