Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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