Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
