he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
