he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The adults are the big ones right?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
