remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
