bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
