I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
