I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Im part way to drunk.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
