I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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