Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
