Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
