i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize