i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
