where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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