shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
