the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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