It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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