apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
