Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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