nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
