The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
