Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
