literally had 100 drinks last night.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
is it fun? or sober?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
