Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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