do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
