Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
honey bunches of taint.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
