Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
