Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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