Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
