I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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