we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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