Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
