He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
