bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
