i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
