I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize