he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
