i can't believe i had my finger in that
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Randomize
