i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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