No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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